Dear Society…. M.

Dear Society,

My name is May and I am a 20 year old university student currently recovering from a bone marrow transplant to treat my relapsed leukaemia. When I was 16 I shocked friends and family with my cancer diagnosis. At 20, I relapsed with the same cancer, and then went through having to tell more people and deal with their reactions.

Whether it is a best friend, a university classmate or someone you have just met; knowing what to say when you hear the awful “c word” can be both a confronting or awkward situation for both yourself and the person suffering the illness. So a big question that people often ask themselves is “What do I say to someone once I have found out they have cancer?” Obviously what you say will depend on the relationship you have with the person. Things such as offering to bring them in their notes from university lectures, offering to cook them a dinner one night, or take them to an appointment, are all practical things that will actually help them. But the most important thing you can do is let them know you will support them and be there for them.

I have been blessed to have such a supportive family and friendship network, but I did have situations through my journey where I was put in very awkward situations. The first time I came back to school after being diagnosed I had lost around 8kg, was very pale, and rocked up in a wig. The fact I had been sick had circled around the school year, but no one really knew any details, and it was unclear how sick I had been. I remember walking into the school hallway with all eyes on me, diverting their eyes away as I engaged their stares. And then suddenly a girl that I talked to but wasn’t really close with came up to me and asked a question, and for the first time I felt comfortable. Being awkward and staring at the person just makes them feel awful. If you have a question, chances are they will be happy to answer it. If not, then they will just say they don’t want to answer it. Simple as that.

For me I think the best thing my friends have done through my relapse is normalise my situation and keep me updated on what’s going on with them too. Knowing that other people have issues, however big or small, makes my situation that little better. Sometimes there’s times where the person is going to have a lot of issues and just want to rant and best thing to do is just let them rant. You don’t have to have a solution, you don’t have to have an easy cure, you just have to be there for them. And if you don’t know what to say or do in the situation, be honest and say “I’m sorry but I really wish I knew what to say.”

When I relapsed I made the conscious decision to post status’ and photographs to document my treatment to alert everyone on my progress and health, to stop myself having to continually explain where I am at to my loved ones. The flood of supportive and encouraging messages really helped me pull through very tough times.

I would love to be able to tell you exactly what to say, but there is no magical line that is going to fix the situation and make everything okay. Something as simple as “I am thinking of you and I am here for you” is often enough.

M.

“Stay strong for them as well as yourself” – Ryland’s Story

“When I first got diagnosed, it was the hardest thing I had to go through. I knew it was going to be a struggle because for the first time in the 8 years I saw my father shed a tear or a couple tears and at that moment I knew it was bad. Being 8 years old and has some advantages when you are going through chemo and radiation the first being you don’t fully understand what is happening all you know is you are sick and you need to fight through it. So I went through all the standard stuff a cancer patient goes through, I had chemo I had radiation, I relapsed, I had a bones from transplant and stem cell transplant while similar they ate different.

On my way to recovery I discovered that having small goals helped in the process as well as being distracted by what was actually happening in my life. My passion for cars helped throughout my treatment. Throughout my cancer journey I always focused on the positives the little things that I achieved not getting sick with round of chemo, not getting a fever etc.

As I slowly regained my strength I started to attempt to walk to my primary school as I once did. At first I would only make it approximately half way and as my strength increased I slowly but surely got further and further and each day I was motivated to go further and further until I reached my goal which was walking the whole way to my primary school without any breaks which was once a norm for me before I got ill.

Before I got sick I was always an over achiever in the field of Athletics and so as I finished my stem cell transplant only 3 months later I attempted to do the kids weetbix triathlon which I completed may of not finished first but I did not come last and that was the most satisfying thing for me to accomplish post my transplant.

Going through cancer is hard and doesn’t only affect you but affects your whole family only. Stay strong for them as well as yourself.

So basically anyone going through treatment at the moment all I have to say is keep strong focus on the small goals and slowly but surely you will get through it.

Tips for going thorough treatment. Well let’s see, stay positive! (Even if it may seem like at there is nothing to stay positive about) Try distract yourself as much as possible from reality by playing card games, video games board games, listen to music to pass time. And always always eat home cooked meals as much as possible because hospital food is not the best tasting.”

Cancer – the best & the worst thing to happen to me. – Jessica’s story

Many people may be confused when I put the words “best” and “cancer” in the same sentence. I’m not saying this view of my disease is one that should be shared. Not everyone celebrates their cancer journey, and I certainly am not one to say that you must. Each cancer experience is unique to the patient, and it is their choice of how they view what they went through and how it affected and changed their life.

I remember my diagnosis like it was yesterday. I had only just turned fifteen years old. I was in year 10, being a normal teenager. I had great friends, a boyfriend, I did alright at school, I was active and a happy teenager. One day I found a lump on my neck, above my right clavicle bone. I freaked out a little, as it was the size of a golf ball (I honestly don’t know how long it had been there, and why I’d never seen/felt it before.) My family dismissed it as nothing (as you would expect) “you’re probably getting sick” “It’s just an inflamed gland.” A month passed and nothing changed, so I went to the doctor who told me the same thing. She thought my glands were flaring up as my body’s defence mechanism when a cold is coming on, but told me that if I was worried in a couple of weeks I could get an ultrasound. Sure enough, weeks passed, the lump remained, and it was time for an ultra-sound. When the results came back as abnormal, they sent me for a biopsy. My results were to come back in a week.

I was in last period history. By now, my neck lump had become my party trick and it was getting pretty famous. My friends would poke it, everyone had their speculations, it was like the grand mystery and today I was finally finding out what it was. I had a doctors appointment scheduled for 4pm and I walked into my house at 3.30pm to see my Mum quickly slam down the phone.

“We need to go now, you need an immediate chest x-ray”

“Why? Was that the doctor on the phone?”

“Yes, we need to go now, they’ve just booked you in.”

We rushed out the door and Mum was unusually silent.

“Is something wrong Mum? What is it? Am I sick?”

“I don’t know”

(She knew, she just didn’t want to say.)

“Do I have cancer?”

“I don’t know.”

It was then that I knew something was terribly wrong. I find it ironic that I asked my Mum if I had cancer. Because in my mind, that was the worst thing that could possibly happen – that I could be diagnosed with cancer. I asked the worst case scenario… and she didn’t say no.

—-

The doctor put up a black and white x-ray of my chest onto the wall and pointed at a large white mass.

“This is a tumour. Your results came back as cancerous.”

People often ask me how I felt when I heard the words “you have cancer.” I can’t answer them that because I never actually heard those words directly. “Cancerous.” The word didn’t register.

“Cancerous.”

My brain worked over drive to understand.

“Cancerous.”

Cancer?

Tears welled up in my eyes, my stomach dropped, my heart sunk. I looked into my Mother’s hollow eyes, emotionless, shocked.

I was being admitted that night into Sydney Children’s Hospital. At that point, we didn’t know what type of cancer I had, so I was about to start ten days of testing. My doctor suspected something called Germ Cell Cancer – a particularly rare cancer – not a good one to have.

I had to start doing the rounds. I rang my best friend, my boyfriend, my family.

“Dad, I have cancer,”

“You have what?”

“I have cancer,”

*silence*

“Liam I can’t come over this afternoon,”

“Why?”

“I have cancer,”

*silence*

“Nan, I’m on my way to hospital,”

“Why love?”

“I have cancer,”

*silence*

No one knows what to say when you tell them you have cancer. This is for the pure and simple fact that there is no right thing to say. Hell, I didn’t even know what to say. My whole body felt empty. Was I going to die? I didn’t know. I was fifteen. Was I going to die at fifteen?

—–

After ten days of testing it turns out I had Stage 2 Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. The stage refers to how many parts of your body the cancer resides in. Mine was my neck and my chest, and it was spreading fast – we had to start chemo immediately.

I had 8 months of chemotherapy. I lost my hair, and with it what I felt like my identity, femininity and beauty. I put on 10kg from water weight, increased hunger and steroids I was taking to keep my organs alive. I vomited more than I ate, and slept more than I was awake. I couldn’t walk more than 5 minutes without blacking out and collapsing, I couldn’t sleep through the night without screaming from bone aches, aching for endone to calm the pain. I couldn’t go to school, because when I did I caught an infection that had me in the emergency room that night, followed by 3 days of isolation – no leaving the room until 48 hours passed with no fever. I had to wear wigs, scarves, additional makeup – because without it I felt like an alien. I felt ugly, confused, out of place, isolated, helpless, alone and scared. I wanted my family to believe I was hopeful, so I waited until my daily shower to cry on the shower floor on my hands and knees, screaming internally for an end to this hell, for some answers.

I reinvented myself during my journey. I became a much stronger, much more appreciative person. After chemotherapy ended, I started radiation therapy daily for two and a half weeks. On May 5th 2011 I received a call that the cancer was gone – I was in remission. That was the day my life started. I have two birthdays – the day I was born, and the day I was truly BORN. My Mum brought me into the world for my first birthday, my second birthday I fought for. I am here today because of myself. Because I didn’t give up. Because I fought with all of my heart, all of my soul and I remained. I stayed strong when at the half way point the chemo wasn’t working according to plan and we had to up my dose. I stayed strong when the boy I laid next to every night in hospital left his cancer-ridden body and grew wings (RIP Mitchell.) and I stayed strong when every inch of my body wanted to quit, but one tiny little voice in my head said “no you can do it!”

So that’s why I’m here today. That’s why MorethantheCword is here today. This is the voice saying “you can do it!” It’s not little, and it’s not in your head. It’s loud and proud and it’s telling you to CHOOSE LIFE. It’s asking you to find your inner warrior, your inner fighter, your inner strength and to use that power to say “I will not quit, I will not lay down without a fight!”

Cancer is the best and the worst thing to happen to me, I do not regret a single thing in my life. I don’t regret the doubts because they led to the strength. I overcame my situation and so can you. As a cancer patient you’ve faced death and you told it not now! Not me! Not yet! And if you yell it loud enough – it just might listen. I’m 4 years cancer free in December. Here’s to life!

Jason’s story – a CAJG production

CAJG production

Zer0 to Hero

Jason’s story

The good news is you’re 17 & you have leukemia, but the bad news is… you’re 17 and you have leukemia” – Nikhil’s story

Nikhil shared his story of his own personal diagnosis at seventeen.

“THE GOOD NEWS IS YOU’RE 17 AND YOU HAVE LEUKEMIA, BUT THE BAD NEWS IS… YOU’RE 17 AND YOU HAVE LEUKEMIA.”

I’D SORTA KNOWN IT WAS COMING. IT HAD BEEN MONTHS SINCE I’D FELT RIGHT. I’D COME HOME FROM SCHOOL AND SLEEP ‘TIL EIGHT. I WAS OFF MY FOOD. I’D BEEN GETTING WEAKER AND WEAKER, LOSING MY STRENGTH AND SPEED WEEK BY WEEK DESPITE TRAINING ALMOST 2 HOURS A DAY. I’D PUT IT DOWN TO EXAMS AND STRESS. BUT DAMN… IT WAS FAR FROM THAT.

NOW WHAT? ALL MY – AND MY PARENTS’ – LAST HOPES HAD EXTINGUISHED WITH THE FINAL TEST; A BONE MARROW BIOPSY. IT HURTS JUST AS BAD AS IT SOUNDS… THEY STICK A NEEDLE THROUGH YOUR HIP AND SUCK OUT WHAT’S INSIDE. IN MY CASE, AS A HEALTHY, STRONG, NEAR-ADULT, IT TOOK 3 DOCTORS AND LOTS OF SWEAT JUST TO PIERCE THE BONE.

WE HOPED IT WAS ANYTHING ELSE BUT THAT ‘TIL THAT.
MY CRITICALLY LOW BLOOD COUNTS? MAYBE I HAD SOME VITAMIN DEFICIENCIES? MY HOUR LONG NOSEBLEEDS? IT MUST’VE BEEN THE DRY AIR BEING EXPELLED FROM THE HEATERS. SLEEPING 16 HOURS A DAY? MAYBE I WAS JUST A SLOB, OR TIRED FROM ALL THAT STUDYING.

IN THE END THOUGH… THAT WAS ALL DENIAL.

QUESTIONS RACED  THROUGH MY MIND…

WHAT HAD I DONE TO DESERVE THIS?

WHAT HAD CAUSED IT?

 WHY ME?? 
I HADN’T DONE ANYTHING BAD TO ANYONE AS FAR AS I’D KNOWN… I WAS FIT, HARD WORKING AND I ATE HEALTHILY.
DAMNIT, I WAS ONLY SEVENTEEN. WASN’T CANCER FOR OLD PEOPLE? OR THOSE WHO SMOKED?

THEN I ASKED THAT FINAL, SCARY QUESTION.

“WHAT ARE MY CHANCES…”

THIS MAN I’D MET JUST YESTERDAY GLANCED AT HIS PEERS AND LOOKED ME DEAD IN THE EYES.

“ABOUT 10-20% THAT YOU’D SURVIVE THE NEXT FIVE YEARS.”

I CRIED. FOR AGES. NO MATTER HOW MUCH MY PARENTS, NURSES AND CLOSE FRIENDS WOULD TRY AND CONSOLE ME – I WOULDN’T LISTEN. HOW COULD I? I WAS 17 AND PROBABLY WOULDN’T LIVE TO SEE 21.

WHAT WOULD YOU DO?

I DID THOSE THINGS THAT PEOPLE DON’T KNOW YOU’D HAVE TO DO BEFORE CHEMOTHERAPY. A HEART SCAN, LUNG FUNCTION TEST AND LOTS OF BLOOD TESTS, TO GET A BASELINE – CHEMOTHERAPY APPARENTLY AFFECTS ALL THOSE THINGS. A SPERM DONATION. APPARENTLY IT CAN AFFECT THAT TOO.

AMIDST ALL THIS WAS THE CONSTANT MESSAGES FROM EVERYONE – FROM MY PARENTS, RELATIVES AND CLOSE FRIENDS TO NURSES – PEOPLE WHO’D ONLY KNOWN ME FOR AN EIGHT HOUR SHIFT, MAX. ALL TOLD ME THAT IT’D ALL BE FINE. THAT I’D BE STRONG AND I’D GET THROUGH IT. ONE NURSE EVEN HAD THE NERVE TO SAY THAT THE NEXT FEW WEEKS FOR ME WOULD BE FILLED WITH PAIN, VOMITING, DIARRHEA AND ALL KINDS OF AWFULNESS. HOW DARE SHE, WHEN I WAS AT MY LOWEST?? HOW COULD SHE BE SO CRUEL?!
I KEPT QUESTIONING THEIR WORDS…

HOW COULD THEY KNOW WHAT I WAS GOING THROUGH? HOW COULD THEY TAKE AWAY THE FACT THAT I ONLY HAD A TINY CHANCE OF SURVIVING?

BUT IN THE END, I HAD A CHOICE, EVEN IF I DIDN’T KNOW IT AT THE TIME.
I COULD STAY DEPRESSED AND DOWN ABOUT IT ALL, OR I COULD CHANGE.

That’s when I first learnt – there’s always a second way to look at things.

Maybe the bad news was that I was seventeen and had leukemia. 
But the good news was, I was SEVENTEEN and had leukemia.

Those excuses, those moments of denial that I’d had. Maybe I could see them in another way.

I was young… yeah…
But that only meant I wouldn’t have to worry about raising a family, or have to care for myself on my own in the hard moments to come. I had great, funny parents, who’d be willing and able to help me in any way. I had great friends who’d support me the whole way through.  I was fit, I ate healthy, and I could eat a LOT – so I wouldn’t waste away as some people do during chemo.  All that enabled me to get the best possible treatment. 

That 10 – 20% was beginning to look much bigger in my eyes.

I started reading a book given to me by my other. It was about a doctor who’d happened to get bowel cancer. He witnessed the grief the other patients endured during their treatment, but in particular, he was struck by how they acted like it was a death sentence. He asked himself one simple question… 
WHY?

Why did they feel down about something they couldn’t control? Why were they acting as if they were definitely going to die? Why did they see the treatment as  a stall, or something which may prolong life, rather than a cure? 

Why was he thinking like them?

By asking why, over and over again, he saw another way of looking at things…. And that made all his doubts, all the obstacles in his path seem like nothing.

Now  I could see that I was young, fit and hence more likely to survive. I was beginning to view the upcoming chemotherapies and bone marrow transplants as what it really was – A CHANCE OF A CURE, rather than just something that brought me pain and suffering. And from that nurse who’d told me of the horrible things I would encounter, I knew it would be hard. But WHY should I succumb to fear and believe that the treatment being hard and uncomfortable would undermine my survival? Acknowledging the pain that was to come in my journey only meant that I wouldn’t give up, even when I was at my lowest. 

With that attitude, I KNEW I was going to get better.

And I’m still here. Two years, 6 rounds of chemotherapies, a near fatal dose of radiation and two bone marrow transplants later.

You may be thinking, that’s awesome man. Good on you.

But I could never do that. 

You may be thinking… that’s pretty cool… but how does that affect me? 

I want you to ask yourself 1 question.

WHY?

Why wait for cancer, like I did, to live a happier, healthier life?

Those little steps I did, I still apply, whenever I can to life. And it’s why I’m always happy and always looking at the better, more constructive way of looking at things.

So, what had cancer taught me?

And how could this help you?

Obviously, my whole battle has changed my view of the world and how to handle adversity. And you may be thinking that you simply couldn’t do those things if you were in my situation, or that you’re not strong enough to apply it into your life.

But the major ideas, the things I did to get over cancer are simple ones – THINGS YOU ALREADY DO – which can help you almost accomplish anything you want in life. 
You can’t get everything you want, you can’t cheat death. But they will help your chances along a damn sight. And remember – you will ALWAYS have a choice on how you view your life. 

Sometimes it’s just hard to see that. 

And there’s no reason you should wait to make a change that could change your life for the better.

A talk I did about my story… that outlines how this can help you guys too!

So Remember:

– There is ALWAYS a second way to look at things.

– If you’re doubting yourself or afraid to do something or afraid of what people are thinking of you… ask yourself WHY over and over again, until you see a second way of looking at things. Something you can control. Something that may help you get your goals in life or the fact that you always have the choice on how something affects you.
Too often we don’t do what we really want to because of the fear of rejection or what others would think. Why do we have to do that? Why should we stop ourselves from enjoying who we are for others when we can disregard them and be happy with ourselves and our choices?

– Acknowledge that the journey to anything will be hard, and plan ahead to overcome these. But instead of being scared of them, understand that just being able to foresee these challenges makes you more likely to get past them. Because you’ll have time to figure them out, you won’t be surprised and you won’t think you’ll fail in the face of adversity, but be MORE LIKELY TO GET PAST THEM.

So, here’s a few steps to help you accomplish your goals, or get out of a hard place with these ideas. It doesn’t have to relate to sickness like me (though it can) and if you ever need help getting there, post a comment down below or message me on my Facebook Page (I get messages from patients and regular people all the time asking for help or advice – and I’m glad to help).

Step 1 –> Assure yourself you can do it.

Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, has something about them that can help them do anything. For me in my battle, it was that I was young. For others going through the same thing, it could be their faith, it could be their family, it could be the brilliant, top class care they’re receiving. IT COULD BE ANYTHING AND EVERYONE HAS IT. For someone who may want to make it to the top of a sport, it could be their speed, strength or, alternatively, their mind and ability to analyse and act on situations quickly and efficiently. If you want to make a top school or course in college or uni, or get a new job or promotion, it could be your ability to think quickly, your dedication or YOU COULD WORK ON YOURSELF TO HAVE THESE THINGS, bit by bit.

Remember, there’s always a second way to look at things. So if you can’t see something straight away, you will ALWAYS have, or can ALWAYS develop the characteristics, qualities or skills necessary to be the best you can be. And no matter how hard times may seem, you can always bust out of them.

STEP 2 –> Acknowledge the challenges in your way. But plan ahead and know that, because you know they’re there, you’re going to blow by them.

So you’re full of energy, you’re pumped up, you know you can do it. But don’t make that mistake of getting overconfident and wasting your opportunities because of that, and don’t allow your resolve to waver when you find yourself facing an obstacle.

Life will be hard at times. But only if you make it so.

I knew that the treatment was going to be tough. Excruciating. Exhausting. But I remembered that in the end, all of this would be left behind in the past and, also, that modern medicine would be able to ease all suffering. I knew that I’d have to limit visitors as my immunity decreased during chemos. But I had facebook, phones and technology to still be able to connect to people. I knew it would be boring. Technology could fix that too.

For others peoples’ goals, challenges may present themselves as distractions – things like too much gaming or social media or even partying too much. I should know, I spent almost a month wasting time before beginning to write this. But after a while of wasting time, ask yourself why? Why am I having fun scrolling down facebook aimlessly when my real interest is the beauty I can make from taking and editing photos of nature? Why shouldn’t I enjoy studying maths when I can feel that satisfaction from finding out why I was going wrong and next time getting those questions right?

If you’re trying to lose weight or be healthier, you can look at it from another perspective. Instead of enjoying downing a box of Krispy Kremes, think instead about the pain you’d get the next day from the stomach ache. If you don’t like running aimlessly, why do it? Try playing a sport you like, like basketball for me, or do other things – like playing laser tag or paintball or even just walking with a friend or a pet for a half hour per day.

The biggest challenge you’ll have to acknowlege is your own laziness, or lack of motivation. You know that on some days you may be lazy, but remember your goal and all those things you have on your side to help you achieve it. When you don’t feel like doing anything, ask yourself why? Soon enough you’ll be back on target.

Step 3 – Research and Plan

Before you even begin to lift a weight or do a question or write a word in a book, you should have an idea of what your actions will do for your goal and why. Going in blindly or overconfidently into anything will reduce your chances of success. But if you do your reading, and know where you’re going, you’ll get there a lot quicker.

For me, in my battle against cancer, it was easy. I had doctors who were doing that for me, and they could answer any other questions I had on my treatment and things like hygiene and what to eat.

But in truth, it’s just as easy for anyone.

Don’t be afraid to ask someone about something. If you don’t understand how a teacher did a problem, why should you feel stupid for asking her to explain it to you again? The second, and better way to look at it, is to ask yourself how much more stupid you would feel when you got the test back and failed because you couldn’t solve a similar problem? If you don’t know the best exercise regime for you, ask a personal trainer. They’re big, but they don’t bite.

And if they don’t know the answer, you’re blessed to live in today’s society – where information or advice can be harnessed from the tap of a few keys and the clicks of you mouse.

Step 4 –> Do

For me, I just had to sit back, eat as much as possible and maintain slightly higher levels of hygiene. I already knew I was going to make it – as will you – and I got to relax all day most of the time.

For your goals, it may be a bit harder, but at the same time, just as simple.

When you’re preparing for that final game of basketball, and all your research on the other team’s players and strategies are done, all you’ve got to do is get your body and your team ready to execute moves, shots and plays. So you shoot your shots. You lift those weights. You run those sprints. You dribble through cones and cones. If you’re in the gym, worried about looking weak compared to the older kids or bodybuilders, or slow against the sprinters on the track, don’t change your technique to lift more, or worse yet, give up altogether. Why feel that everyone thinks you’re weak, or horrible at what you’re doing when, if you look at it another way, you’ll end up in front of them in time by doing it the right way, consistently? You’d only look stupid if you hurt yourself by doing it unsafely. Why harm yourself to look good for others?

And when it finally comes time to that last game, you’ll know that you’ve done your practice, you’ve got your teammates, your skills. You’ll acknowledge it won’t be easy and that the other team may be good. But you’ll remember you’ve got everything on your side. And that you won’t doubt yourself on the court because of that. And that you’ve given yourself the best chance of winning.

Life is all about giving yourself the best chance to be happy. And I hope what I’ve written will help you do that.

HOW THIS HELPED ME BECOME A HAPPIER PERSON AFTERWARDS:
A talk I gave on this topic…

I really encourage you guys to share this one amongst your friends/family in particular –> especially with those who are in really tough circumstances. Hopefully it’ll help them find a way past their sadness and get back to being their best.”

Check out Nikhil’s personal blog, where he posts frequently regarding his treatment and his current journey: 

http://nikhilthegrizzlybear.blogspot.com.au/

“It is okay to not always be okay” – Annika’s Story

Annika shared her journey after her Father was diagnosed with cancer five years ago.

“It was 2 weeks before my 18th birthday that my father was diagnosed with advanced cancer of unknown primary. I was a year 12 scholarship student studying the International Baccalaureate. Life had never been particularly easy, but sitting in the doctor’s surgery trying to process the news, I remember feeling an intense level of panic that I had never experienced before. I couldn’t breath, or think properly.

I remember feeling so desperate to hide my feelings so I wouldn’t upset Dad, so that I could be there to support him.

It has been 5 years now, and I have continued my studies, switching from part time to full-time and back again depending on Dad’s required level of care. Early on, I decided that my family was now my top priority. I settled for lower academic results in high school so that I could have the time with my father. At university I took longer to complete my degree so that I would have more family time. I knew that if I buried myself in textbooks and missed out on spending time with Dad, I would never forgive myself.

Having said that, I would be lying if I said that life as a carer has been easy. I am 22 and my life is dictated by treatment regimes and the symptoms of cancer rather than uni games and European summer escapes like so many of my friends. I certainly do not regret my decisions, but it does sometimes leave me feeling a little lost and out of the loop.

Over the years I have surrounded myself with a phenomenal bunch of people that have supported me through some truly horrendous times. It took me a long time to develop my support network! Many people left because the stress of my father’s condition upset them too much.

I never begrudged or resented them leaving.

There were times when I would have loved to run away from my life too and I felt I couldn’t deny the opportunity to those that could take it. But I am eternally grateful to the people that have stuck through it with me. Without them, I may not have continued studying. Nor would I wake up with a smile on my face as often as I do. These fine individuals do not always understand what I am going through, but they always have my back. They listen when I need to talk, offer a shoulder when I need to cry and give me harsh reality checks when I get a bit lost in the stress and pain of it all.

Living with cancer is never easy. Each day present hundreds of new challenges and it can sometimes be difficult to know how you can overcome them. But that doesn’t mean you should stop trying. I feel that if we do not learn from our experiences than they are all for nothing. So that is what I try to do; see every day is a learning curve, one that teaches me a lesson that will help me later. And the time that I get to spend with my Dad every day, that is irreplaceable and invaluable. I will continue to cherish every moment I have left. 

One line of advice:

It is okay to not always be okay.”

Every part of me didn’t want to believe it, but we had to…. – Isobel’s story

Isobel shared her story with us regarding her Father’s Lung cancer.

“On the 24^th of April 2014 mum and dad sat my sister and I down and told us that dads persistent cough wasn’t a cold it was stage four lung cancer. It took a good hour to realise what they were telling us, every part of me didn’t want to believe it, but we had to.

A mouth after dad was diagnosed we got the call from orange chemo ward that they had spot waiting for dad at 10 am the next morning. It was such a relief to know that the fight back could start but it also made it so real that dad had a terminal illness. After 3 rounds of chemo he had another set of test and witch showed that the tumours were growing not shrinking so they stopped chemo.

Dad wasn’t going to give up the fight, so mum and him went down to Sydney to get some tests done to see if he was suitable for a clinical trial this was in early august. On Monday the 18^th of August was admitted to hospital as they found an infection in his chest.

We got the test results back, Dad was an exact match for the trial but he was to physically weak and sick that if he were to do the trail he would be worse off.

He was in the hospital for over a week now and was almost ready to move into a local hospice when things took a turn for the worst.

On Wednesday the 27^th of August the infection had taken over dads body and he was given anywhere from 3-24 hours to live.

On the 28^th of August 2014 dad lost his strong but short fight.

Throughout dad being sick and even till the very end, dad was very positive which made things a little more bearable. I can thank CanTeen for being able to provide support that no one else can give in a time of such pain and heartache.”

Isobel wearing her CanTeen bandana

You too can contact CanTeen for support and to utilise their services if you have a parent or sibling affected by cancer:

https://www.canteen.org.au/

Personal stories

Our main mission at MTTCW is to unite cancer patients, their families and their friends as you all share one key characteristic – strength.

We bring you these stories to share with you the beauty of the journey of others. They reveal their strengths, weaknesses, struggles and coping tips that got them through.

Photo credit:

www. pinterest.com/pin/ 74731675042652767/